I’ve written a couple of blog installments over the years on the topic of horses appearing to be herd bound (also called, but I hate 😝 these terms: buddy sour or barn sour).
The subject of horses that seem to be herd bound appears to be a topic of confusion and many challenges for many horse-people. I think it’s because it’s hard for humans to relate to the level of fear that being alone or being without one’s buddy nearby can create in a horse.
So, I thought it might be helpful to offer some further thoughts and ideas on the topic.
As a starting point, I think that we like to think of ourselves as being on an even keel with horses, but I think to achieve this we need to remember that we are humans and are innately predators while horses are prey. Being born a predator takes a lot of work on the human’s part to overcome predator tendencies so as to be a really good partner with a prey animal. Some practices that may help in this area requires much self-awareness, focus, and effort but the development of these skills are totally worthwhile to better connect with horses. You can read about these ideas HERE and HERE.
For a horse, being with other equines is an absolute need to increase the chances for safety and survival. This behavior is central to being a prey animal overall and has kept horses safe for millions of years. Equines have been a part of nature and have succeeded in nature nearly 10 times longer than humans.
*Additional thoughts on horses’ need to be with others of the same species particularly when they’re in an area or place where they don’t feel confident…can be found in a previous article HERE.
For humans to develop a rewarding two-way relationship with horses, I believe we must honor and respect their nature. We may even come to the realization that horses may help us be better humans.
A first step in beginning to respect horses’ nature can begin with changing our language which may help change both our feelings and change our manner when faced with the
challenge of horses not wanting to be alone with “just” us. The terms we’ve create like buddy-sour and barn-sour implies the horse has a “bad” behavior or is doing something “wrong”. The adjective “sour” is defined as: being unfriendly, easily annoyed, sullen,
morose, or disagreeable. We might want to consider language for this behavior which is more accurate and truer to horses’ nature like the horse is “seeking a safe place” or use the previously coined term “herd-bound” or even what about “buddy-bonded” or “buddy-secure”? It has been shown that more positive or accurate vocabulary with no judgement can positively impact relationships. Transformational language has the power to change how we think, how we feel, and how we behave around not only horses, but people as well. It turns out that words also have a biochemical effect on the body (both horse & human). Positivity can only help our understanding of horses and our behavior around them.
Beyond language, as I mentioned in the article, Help for the Herd Bound, Buddy or Barn Sour Horse (I wish I didn't have the word "sour " in the title) it's essential that horses believe that you see, hear and feel their concerns.
Being "aware" is critically important to be successful in a leader/guardian/parent role. Only if you have connected awareness can you help you horse feel safe. Being connected to another means hearing, seeing, and getting the other sentient being.
In the beginning when you’re trying to help your horse feel more relaxed when not with his/her buddies, your horse needs to feel that you fully understand them and believe that you have empathy and see/hear/feel/understand where or why there is worry…essentially where “the horse” is coming from. Ideas and strategies for developing this with your horse are also in the aforementioned article.
Later on, in your relationship with your horse your strategies will change a bit because hopefully you will have built the foundation to move forward in your mutual 2-way relationship whereby your horse is beginning to trust your decisions, requests, and behaviors.
To help yourself better empathize with your horse’s concern about leaving his/her buddies imagine similar scenarios from the human world where we would prefer to be with a human that hears, sees, feels, and overall “gets” us:
Consider if you were going up in a plane to sky dive and the instructor you went with didn’t empathize, prepare you for, or help you with your fear. Then when you
hesitated at the “jump” point, they just said: ‘GO!” and even maybe nudged or pushed a bit, how would you feel about trusting that person again?
Another storyline: what if you were walking in a dangerous section of a city somewhere in the world. How would you feel if the person you’re with was overly confident and kept pushed you further and further than you felt comfortable?
What if you were extremely afraid of snakes and someone thought it would be best that you sit in a room with numerous snakes with the thinking that…you’ll get used to it and get over your fear. If you survived and didn’t have a heart attack, would you ever trust that person again?
Or what if you went skiing for the first time and a “friend” brought you up to an expert slope saying it’d be no problem at all. Then having brought you there, got worried themselves about the difficulty and dangerousness of the slope. How confident and safe would you feel going with that person anywhere in the future?
There are many similar situations to which horses are faced. I’ve heard of advice offered to a few of my students by well-meaning horse-people. These horse-people recommended to one of my students that if their horse gets upset, agitated, worried, etc. when being ridden or taken away from their buddy(s) …..that my student should take the horse totally away from his horse friend(s); let the horse stay all by him/herself ….with the thinking that the horse will get used to it. The first three human examples above are essentially that same concept. This strategy in psychology is called “flooding”. With horses “flooding” can
be dangerous to all involved and damaging to the horse as being buddy-secure is part of a horse’s nature and has kept prey animals safe for thousands of years. Also, any trust that had previously been developed between that horse and that human would begin to be eroded.
Another not-so-good strategy is where faced with buddy-bonded equines, some horse-
people forcibly ride or lead their horse away from that horse’s buddy(s). Then when the horse gets scared and exhibits behaviors based on his/her fears like bolting, spinning, rearing, bucking, crow-hopping, etc….the human get scared and anxious. This is similar to the fourth human example above. The horse is looking for a buddy and now the human is being anything but….in fact, the human has exhibited an energy and behavior that demonstrates to the horse that the human does not have the capability to keep the horse safe.
A better way to help a horse that isn’t comfortable being away from his/her buddies can be through helping your horse find relaxation and confidence when alone. Please be aware, this process needs to be developed and practiced VERY, VERY SLOWLY and over MANY, MANY SHORT SESSIONS. Building trust takes a long time (consider how long it takes to truly trust another human being)?
So “slowly” meaning NOT at all FAR and NOT for TOO LONG. One very small part of
nurturing trust would be to do some fun groundwork activities not too far away from the buddy (meaning potentially just 20 feet or less). If your horse gets nervous, bring your activity CLOSER to the buddy. This emulates empathy and caring and with each session helps your horse discover trust and relaxation with you. Ideally, you’ll want to create a situation where your horse finds more rest and relaxation just a tiny bit further away from her/his buddy. You then want to spend LOTS of dwell time there. Over days and days, you can slowly expand this distance.
To set yourself up for success, understand that this could take months to years, but with each session and each passing month your relationship will get better and better. Also, please understand that separation also affects the other horse in your buddy scenario….especially when there’s only two horses in your herd.
To learn more, please feel free to reach out. I can help you in person, online, and even on the phone.
Good luck and have fun with your horse! 🐴❤️ --Kyle
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